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Messe Noir

Mandal: Gate of the Calling

Natas

The black metal war cry has been taken up anew. Pillaging everything in sight, Messe Noir, who hail from the frigid wastes of -- wait a second, this must be a misprint. No, the contact address says Connecticut. Connecticut?? Ha ha ha, way to go boys, trust fund money well spent. I can't say "black metal warriors" and "Connecticut" in the same sentence, it sounds fucking stupid. New England black metal, eh? Hmmm. No, I will not be a party to this travesty. How brutal can you be when you're from the mean streets of New England? Corpse paint and the Ivy League, a marriage made in -- HELL!! Oh, this is too rich.

   Messe Noir have cobbled together a so-so effort of pure derivative black metal that stacks up rather well against all of the pure derivative black metal from America, and pales in comparison to all of the pure derivative black metal from Europe. Saturation of the genre, baby. Messe Noir have the additional burden of being from Connecticut, a state whose only notable export of late has been the "Greenwich snob" Hunter Hearst Helmsley. My god, I could go on all day. Natas Productions? What could that signify??? Ha Ha Ha Ha. And you know they're absolutely shitting themselves over not getting P.O. Box 666. If you're going to buy black metal, buy anything by Carpathian Forest. I wonder if Deicide ever had this problem back in the day?

Natas Productions, c/o Joe Giannetti, P.O. Box 665, Meriden, CT 06150

--Matthew Moyer