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News Archive
News for the week of 07.14.03 - 07.20.03
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Jul 18, 2003
Courtney Love To Ruin Manga Forever!
from the Remember That Menudo Cartoon? dept.
NME reports that Tokyopop has teamed up with celebrity trainwreck Courtney Love to create a new fantasy manga series titled Princess Ai, "fuelled by the singer's passion" to water down and completely destroy a once-vibrant medium. Hey, she's done it before. Tokyopop muckety-mucks also went on record stating, "Manga is just the start. Look for animation projects, merchandise and other evolutions of 'Princess Ai' in the near future." We at Ink 19 fervently hope this means that an Anal Explosion Barbed Wire death match with Japanese wrestling star Hayabusa can't be that far off.
posted by kittydeathstar at 05:44:23 PM | More Band News »
Jul 17, 2003
Farenheit 451 Drawing Ever-Nearer
from the Mindcrime dept.
Poor Marc Schultz was born with an unfortunate condition -- the ability to read (he can write pretty well, too). This precarious predisposition to decoding letters from the printed page, something which he can't help doing, not even in public, warranted a visit from the FBI after he was caught reading an editorial titled "Weapons of Mass Stupidity" in an Atlanta coffeeshop. Poor poor Marc.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 02:37:22 PM | More Know Your Rights »
Exclusive: TATU Bicker Like A "Real" Couple! *wink* *wink*
from the Beards For Everyone! dept.
Popdirt reports that the Sun reports that TATU, premier "lesbian" popstars (yes, that awkward robotic lip contact sure is sensual), have stopped speaking to one another. Apparently Lena thinks Julia has become big-headed. But do they still hold hands? And now as another pop sensation bites the dust, we, the huddled masses, will only be left with our memories. Like, errr... the time Puff Daddy went utterly nuts trying to gather up their backing singers' discarded clothing at that MTV Awards show. No, I'm not crying, I've got sand in my eye... *sob*
posted by kittydeathstar at 01:31:04 PM | More Band News »
Orrin Hatching a New Plan -- Just Shoot Them!
from the Senator "Booby" Hatch dept.
Fresh off campaigning for remote destruction of evil music pirates' computers (arrr, matey!), Senator Orrin Hatch, inspirational songwriter and sometime Republican senator for Utah, is asking for a repeal of laws controlling handguns in the nation's capital.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 12:34:21 PM | More Know Your Rights »
Metallica Sues Over Use of E, F Chords
from the Should Have Used B and C dept.
Proving that they are not to be outdone by snarky editors and articles in The Onion, Metallica are taking legal action against independent Canadian rock band Unfaith over what they feel is unsanctioned usage of two chords the band has been using since 1982: E and F. Somebody pulled the ring dangling from Lars Ulrich's back to make him say "People are going to get on our case again for this, but try to see it from our point of view just once." It kills me every time!
posted by HisCheapMoves at 08:52:14 AM | More Band News »
Jul 16, 2003
Un-American Beyonce Dances On Grave Of War Hero!
from the Wanna See What's Buried In My Grant's Tomb, etc, etc... dept.
Destiny's Child frontperson and solo diva Beyonce Knowles has bumped the Dixie Chicks from their position of Public Enemy #1 to proud Americans. Yes, the "sultry" singer has gravely wounded this great nation down to its very foundations, doing a "lascivious" and scantily-clad dance on Grant's Tomb in a delicious p-p-perversion of traditional Fourth of July celebrations. To add insult to injury, this smutty act was apparently sanctioned by Christmas parade mavens Macy's as part of their Independence Day extravaganzas in New York! So Macy's owns the Fourth of July now? Reports that Grant's body has turned into a cyclotron in the meantime cannot be confirmed.
posted by kittydeathstar at 02:55:19 PM | More Music News »
O Bob Graham, Where Art Thou?
from the Sure Beats Dennis Miller dept.
Without any trace of my usual sarcasm, I can say that the news that bluegrass legend Ralph Stanley will be lending support to Florida Senator Bob Graham's presidential campaign is quite cool indeed. The AP reports that "Stanley will perform a series of concerts for the Florida Democrat's campaign beginning Wednesday at the Coffee Pot club in Roanoke, Va." Finally, a politician is teaming up with a great musician; this might "just" wash the taste of Fleetwood Mac (and all those terrible nu-country musicieans Bush goes gaga over) from my mouth.
posted by kittydeathstar at 09:38:14 AM | More Music News »
Jul 15, 2003
'Katie Couric Effect' boosts colonoscopy rates
from the Ummm, Yeah! dept.
Folks, I wish I could claim to have made up that headline. But that privilege goes to the people at USA Today. I can't say anymore about this, I stand before you humbled.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 03:31:24 PM | More Ink Links »
J-Lo's Jewels Decapitate Man!
from the Bling Bloody Bling dept.
Station WENN reports a stolen $4,000 necklace that Jennifer Lopez sported in an upcoming critical bomb titled "Shall We Dance" was found on the scene of a murder in a Winnipeg hotel room where a man was found hacked up and decapitated (sounds like a Mortician song to me). Authorities are considering the possibility of the world's messiest suicide, as a copy of "Shall We Dance" was found playing in the VCR.
posted by kittydeathstar at 11:16:51 AM | More Band News »
Mass Outbreak of Blindness Strikes Playboy Bunnies
from the He Wants It That Way... And That Way.... And THAT Way dept.
In a situation eerily reminiscent of zombie spectacular "28 Days Later," a myopia virus has been spreading like wildfire among Playboy Playbmates. Summer Altice, Dalene Curtis, and Shauna Sand are among those who have been infected. Besides obliterating your eyesight, this virus also apparently impairs your mental faculties, as these poor doomed fools have been seen hanging cadaver-like off the arm of "rebellious" Backstreet Boy AJ! Approach these victims with extreme caution, as infection spreads quickly and you too might find yourself cooing over AJ's pencilled-in van dyke. Shauna Sand, in particular, must be destroyed on sight, as she was spooted looking at real estate with AJ, and the virus has obviously eaten away at her beyond the point of no return. Fly your centerfolds at half-mast.
posted by kittydeathstar at 09:33:35 AM | More Music News »
Jul 14, 2003
Cameron Diaz Won't Be Using Timberlake's "Hair Gel" Anymore
from the E! News Has Now Lost 30 Hours Of Potential Programming dept.
The world is in deep mourning now that Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz are splitsville. The second most-celebrated May-December romance of the moment ended when "CD" (cutesy nickname #1) told "JT" (cutesy nickname #2) that "I think you've still got some growing up to do." When selfish bastards like that break up, they never think of the effect they're going to have on the little ones. Won't somebody PLEASE think of the pundits and gossip columnists?
posted by kittydeathstar at 06:32:43 PM | More Music News »
Matrix Co-Creator Must Choose
from the That Explains The Costumes dept.
Larry Wachowski, co-creator of the Matrix series and recent gossip-column fodder, is rumored to be following in the footsteps of such celebrities as George Jorgensen and Walter Carlos and exploring the possibility of transexuality.
