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News Archive
News for the week of 07.28.03 - 08.03.03
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Jul 31, 2003
Legendary Producer Sam Phillips Dies
from the Say Hi To Elvis For Me dept.
Sun Records founder Sam Phillips, who decided that a then-unknown Elvis Presley deserved a recording contract when he heard him sing songs for his mother, died of respiratory failure at Memphis' St. Francis Hospital on July 30. He was 80.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 03:04:11 PM | More Obituaries »
Jul 30, 2003
J. + Ben Can't Stand Heat, Get Out Of Kitchen
from the It's Too Late Now dept.
Superstar couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are so distraught at the critical backlash to their movie Gigli that they have vowed never to work together again. Fearing further backlash from other collaborations, they are now trying to find that home movie they made about six months ago in order to destroy it. I think I saw it on the second shelf next to the anime, Ben.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 05:01:24 PM | More Screen News »
Chevy Chase Makes A Living With Increasing Desperation
from the See, they LOVE us! dept.
Enigmatic funnyman -- actually, he's far from enigmatic, the real mystery is how once he played Ty Webb in Caddyshack and now he shills foreign sugarwater. Anyway, the once-popular-in-the-US comedic actor has completed two spots for Cola Turka, the ingeniously-named cola drink from Turkey.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 02:14:39 PM | More Screen News »
Robbie Threatens To Go-Kart Away With Cameron's Heart
from the It's Not Exactly Fucking "Layla, " Is It Then? dept.
Justin Timberlake is a ruined and desperate man, according to the Enquirer, after finding out that his lady love Cameron Diaz was seen "go-karting" (and we all know what that leads to) with Robbie Williams in Berlin. A Timberlake associate said that Justin is a nervous wreck, "worried that Robbie may be making Cameron's heart race as well." Wow, Timberlake has a punster of salary. Cameron has assured him that there's nothing going on, but Justin still has that strange gleam in his eye whenver he passes by a Fun N' Wheels. Does somebody's plans to take his fave gal paddle-boating seem hopelessly lame now? For further information on this fast-breaking story, read Kitty Kelly's Sinatra biography, then picture the Frank and Ava years acted out by a bunch of fucking morons.
posted by kittydeathstar at 08:24:38 AM | More Music News »
Jul 29, 2003
Greatest Thing EVER Turns 75
from the Technology Marches On dept.
"So neat and precise are the slices, and so definitely better than anyone could possibly slice by hand with a bread knife that one realizes instantly that here is a refinement that will receive a hearty and permanent welcome." More prophetic words have not been written. Happy 75th birthday, Sliced Bread!
posted by HisCheapMoves at 09:30:44 AM | More Ink Links »
Fred Durst To Angelina Jolie: Pretend I'm Your Brother!
from the Would You Like To Sit On An Old Man's Knee, Young Missy? dept.
Just as it took him ten run-throughs to get a playable version of "Sanitarium" for the Metallica: Icon show on MTV, so dirty old man Fred Durst is pushing full steam ahead with public pronouncements of his ridiculous infatuations. Increasingly the Benny Hill of nu-metal, Durst held forth to US Weekly about Angelina Jolie, telling the magazine that Jolie "was going to be my inspiration tonight" while at the AOL for Broadband gig in New York City. Oh well then, how happy she should be about being the muse for a piece of shit band whoring for the most irritating online service provider ever. The venerable Durst wheezed on about her being a "firecracker," and a "pussywillow," with "a whole lotta moxie." An invitation was reportedly proferred to "dance the Charleston."
posted by kittydeathstar at 08:04:55 AM | More Band News »
Jul 28, 2003
The Person You Have Reached Has Been Disconnected
from the Please Hang Up, Don't Try Again dept.
Jane Barbe, whose voice was familiar to millions of telephone users across the country who ever dialed a wrong number or had to "Please listen to the following options" in a voice-mail system, died July 18 in Roswell, Ga., of complications from cancer. She was 74.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 01:21:06 PM | More Obituaries »
Paris Hilton Prefers Pansy Pantywaists!
from the The Further Adventures of Spaceman Spiff dept.
Star magazine dropped the dime on Paris Hilton inviting *NSYNC star and space pioneer Lance "The Right Stuff" Bass to The Palms in Las Vegas for a woo-woo-weekend. He caught Hilton's eye while she was making a fool of herself at a club some time ago. Hilton told pals, well, okay her sister, that she has the hots for Lance and even thinks he can help her get her shit together. Star Magazine also thinks that Lance must be teaching her some of his astronaut discipline, since they were at a ritzy nightclub and Paris actually didn't moon everyone in the joint. In fact, the only thing glowing that night was Bass's creepy smile and those vacant, vacant eyes.
posted by kittydeathstar at 12:26:10 PM | More Music News »
We've Lost Hope...
from the Longest Century On Record dept.
Comedian Bob Hope, who was recently working as a symbol of an older generation's incomprehensible sense of humor, has finally passed on after 70 years in show business. You all joked about it for long enough, I hope you're sorry now.
