Do you want to write for Ink 19?
News Archive
News for the week of 08.04.03 - 08.10.03
« Previous Week || Next Week »
Aug 8, 2003
No One Tells Vince Neil That Bambi-Hunting Is Fake
from the Why Can't He Be More Like Former Housemate MC Hammer? dept.
"Surreal Life" goofball and sometime singer Vince Neil looks to be in big trouble, or at least up for a segment on "Celebrities Uncensored" clad in a dirty white tank top, if reports of his predilection for slapping around prostitutes are true. According to sources, Neil was at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada and took a shine to one of the ladies there, but for Neil, that means "grabbing her around the throat and throwing her against a wall." Ah rock and roll... Of course, the big question is when the ghost of Razzle will take his otherworldly vengeance on the bloated Neil.
posted by kittydeathstar at 04:51:04 PM | More Music News »
Affleck Stripper Bends Logic (And *Ahem* Other Attributes)
from the Vile Varlet! Darest Thou Dispute The Enquirer? dept.
It left me feeling dirty, trumpets Affleck stripper (has name just has to be) Tammy Morris to the Enquirer! Furthermore, in a feat of mental gymnastics akin to wrapping one's legs pretzel-style around a shiny metal pole, Tammy claims that her "sisterly duty to J-Lo" is the reason she's cashing in... err, exposing the cad Affleck for what he is. Upping the weirdness quotient, Affleck and his coterie of "babes" partied at a house rented by, yes, Christian Slater. This story threatens to become too dorky for even me.
posted by kittydeathstar at 04:43:10 PM | More Screen News »
Aug 7, 2003
Ticketmaster Sued For Anti Trust Violations
from the Bound To Happen Eventually dept.
A news conference in New York on August 11th will explain why the rock band The String Cheese Incident is fighting to maintain control of its future.
posted by Punkfreud at 07:26:26 PM | More Music News »
Gary Coleman loves gays, cities, pot, more...
from the Got My Vote! dept.
Tossing his diminutive derby into the ring, snack-size actor Gary Coleman has decided to run for Governor of California. His platform can best be described as... well, straight-talkin', as Coleman supports his points with such vivid rhetoric as extracting Belgium out of his adorable ass and inserting his size four-and-a-halfs into the asses of others.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 11:33:58 AM | More Ink Links »
Brit and Xtina Brawl Over Hack Hunk: Ink19 SuicideWatch Over
from the Happy Days Are Here Again! dept.
All that doom and gloom talk about yesterday's news, Ben and J-Lo, seems sooo far away now, and we have gossip stalwarts Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera to thank for it! Girls, you really made our day when we read in the Sun that you two almost came to blows over ex-MTV VJ and all-around himbo Simon (fucking) Rex, complete with plenty "of finger-pointing and flailing arms." A nouveau-riche-as-white-trash catfight! Yes! Could a dance-off be that far off? Rex was later overheard bragging, "They want me... Maybe they can both have me at the same time." Wow, with that much delusion, I could almost start a delusion farm.
posted by kittydeathstar at 08:52:07 AM | More Music News »
Aug 6, 2003
Atom, Package in ugly split
from the Musical Differences dept.
According to a statement from his publicist, after more than six years, Atom is hanging up his hat, and putting the Package out to pasture. His final show is 8/29 at the First Unitarian Church in Philadephia. Atom does have a project in the works with Paint It Black frontman Dan Yemin, though.
posted by Ink19Julio at 09:04:16 PM | More Band News »
J-Lo And Ben Split: Ink 19 News Staff To Commit Mass Suicide
from the Entertainment Weekly Subscriptions At Half-Mast dept.
The thrill is gone. The magic is over. We at Ink 19 are heartbroken, shattered to report that THE power couple of Ben Affleck and J-Lo are history. Though it's buried in a pile of moist hankies, our copy of the Herald Sun has the goods on J-lo calling off the wedding, ditching the ring and dumping the studmuffin, saying, "It's over between me and Ben. He's made me a laughing stock." Apparently the cad "cavorted" with strippers. Take him back J-lo, take him back! It can't end like this! We at Ink 19 will stay with this story, if the police can talk us off the ledge, that is.
posted by kittydeathstar at 03:44:11 PM | More Obituaries »
Aug 4, 2003
Onion Article Comes True For J-Lo And Ben!
from the Flood of Crap Bursts Through Fourth Wall dept.
Only that unstoppable entertainment extravaganza, Ben and J-lo, could make it happen! And man, they did it! Not content to let the recent parody article "Gigli Focus Groups Demand New Ending In Which Both Affleck And Lopez Die," languish in the realm of satire - the New York Daily News went out and sampled the opinions of the man and woman in the theater during preview weekend. Coments ran the gamut of insults. "It sucked." "I can't even explain how horrible it was." "People were starting cell phone conversations, and nobody minded." "The worst sex scene ever." Ring a ding ding, pally! They were this close to bloodlust! For once, all of this is true.
posted by kittydeathstar at 03:00:33 PM | More Screen News »
Dalai Lama misses sex, shoots guns
from the Well, Duh! dept.
Proving that the Dalai Lama is not that different from your average American, some Australian news site reports that the Dalai Lama has admitted that, in a lifetime dedicated to celibacy and non-violence, he has missed out on sex and that he shoots at hawks in anger.
