News for the week of 05.24.04 - 05.30.04
May 28, 2004
from the Glamour is what I sell, it's my stock in... in... LINE! dept.
Vanity Piece Alert! Reuters is reporting that Gwyneth Paltrow is going to produce and star in a feature-length film about the godlike Marlene Dietrich. This is, of course, part of Paltrow's master plan to discredit all female icons of art and literature in film. After Sylvia Plath, the deluge. Expect Paltrow to depict Dietrich as a weepy-eyed, vaguely annoying WASP rather than the brilliant Nordic ice queen she really was. IT'S GONNA SUCK, in other words.
posted by kittydeathstar at 09:35:59 AM | More Screen News »
May 26, 2004
from the Downright Decent of Them dept.
After years of being burdened by the Grateful Dead's hygienically-challenged entourage, the members of the foursome have agreed to end it after the current tour. According to Trey "Day Late" Anastasio, the group would rather bow out than become a "nostalgia act". Wall Street analysts predict that members of Phish have enough cash reserves to last "four or five years" before they are obliged to reunite.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 10:39:27 AM | More Band News »
May 25, 2004
from the Set Your Clock By It Kidz dept.
Maybe it would be more special if it hadn't already happened at least seventy-five fucking times already! But fuck that shit, Hot Topic's favorite tour, OZZFEST, is gearing up for another go of it this very summer! And they're gonna dig up Black Sabbath again! (Leave poor Bill Ward alone, dicks.) To the kids, make sure and wear ripped stockings on your arms, which can be bought at any fine lifestyle boutique near you. To the bands, make sure to sleep on your stomach, so as not to choke on your vomit. Ozzy! Ozzy! Hey man, gotta send the old man out to work, someone has to pay for the rehab bills and storage space for 8 million unsold "Osbournes" bobbleheads.
posted by kittydeathstar at 10:38:13 AM | More Music News »
May 24, 2004
from the No Drinks, No Smokes, Just 100% Fruitbat dept.
It was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jewel as fans were treated to two very different sides of the lovable once-homeless performer. Attendants to the first of two shows at the Hampton Beach Ballroom Casino saw a "very rocking" female acoustic spectacle, while those at the second got choice comments like "stop looking at my teeth and look at my breasts" and "[I've seen] a better audience at a barroom brawl." Surprisingly, fans are demanding refunds for the latter performance, and not the former.
posted by HisCheapMoves at 04:32:37 PM | More Tour News »
from the Yellow Journalism At It's Worst dept.
Libel! Barbarity! Hearst! That rag Star Magazine dug up a couple of "plastic surgeons" (probably winos digging around their back dumpster) to comment on Axl Rose's somewhat revitalized facial appearance. Cheek implants? Nose refinement? Brow lift? Lid work? Poppycock at best! Pistols at dawn, sir!